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My first glimpse of my angelic guide came when I was a child.

It was a hot day in July. I could hear the birds sing as I lay awake thinking. I felt a presence, then a pink glow in my heart, familiar and then not familiar. I was excited nethertheless. I knew it was going to be a good day.

I had three friends I liked to play with. On this day, I had to share it with my cousins who were visiting.

They were called Coventry. It was funny because they were not quiet. At all.

They came after dinner. In our house that meant for dinner, so we had to wait. I was happy to see them because one of my cousins was my age and we liked each other.

When I took him to play out, he started to misbehave. It wasn't uncommon. He was a complaining sort of a boy. He wanted me to know he didn't like them the way he liked me.  

My friends were quiet. They waited for me to handle it. It upset me because I wanted it to be a nice day.

My angel guide appeared. She was in a bubble. Pink light shone all around it. My friends could see it too. I had not seen her before. I was mesmerised. Her eyes were green like little droplets of crystalline light. The angel smiled. 

My cousin had a bad habit of crying. For no good reason, he could cry, all day long. Just like that. I could see it was coming. And I knew it meant trouble. 

Again my angel appeared. 

I wasn't happy because my cousin knew when I got into trouble, I didn't come out of it. 

Then something happened to me I will never forget. I was swept up in a ball of light. The world swirled. There was no colour. Nor sound. It was silent. 

When I came back, I felt the warmth of my angelic guide, until she faded out of sight.

When I was 18, I had an awakening that was beyond anything I had experienced before. 

I was in the garden. I didn't like to go there as much as I did as a child. We used to have a swing which I loved. On the swing, when I was seven years old, I was visited by my angelic guide. She was with several guides I knew. They were very happy. One was singing. 

On the swing, when I swung it very high, I said I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. I was matter of fact and I felt very happy.

I had a similar experience at eighteen. The guides assembled. This time, I felt the presence of a male spirit. He said he was here to help.

I didn't work with spirit guides and I was unsure. My angelic guide reassured me. As I looked closely at him, he only allowed me to look so far, then he grew impatient. That's me, I heard him say.

That was pretty much our relationship. He was like a storm I couldn't find my quiet space with. He didn't have time for anything other than what he had to say. I didn't work like that.

He wanted me to understand critical thinking. It went so deep sometimes I felt myself go into a slumber for I could not sustain my conscious thought in his presence.  

After a year he left. He said he wanted me to think two things over. The first was how I saw myself. The second was how I felt as a female. 

I often felt there was a wall between us, a wall nether could venture beyond. 

As he left, I heard him say it would falter in the end. 

When I went though my ascension, I came to know that I had a past life as a descendent of the lakota tribe. 

She came from the lineage of sitting bull. She was strong, forthright and happy.

In my incarnation she represented a shift in power. I discovered I was many things. I knew how to shoot an arrow, how to scent a trail, how to be one with the wolf.

I had knowledge of the lakota ways. These were the spiritual ways of the female and there were many levels of the higher self. There were also many teachings as to the way of the warrior. 

My spirit wished me to know the story of her meeting with her childhood sweetheart for he was the one she was promised to marry.

She felt him a bully, a loud mouth and a bore. For she was never wrong. Once she spoke, her word was said. 

Some times the children would gather at the water. She intended to teach him a lesson, for he was ill-minded with a boy she had come like.

She set her trap. It was clever and her father did laugh, for he could not chide her. 

Sizzle does he, for fire he did sent to the weaker of he. Mean spirit of the wind.

Freeze did her, for the water was bitter.

Look did he, for the sight was ill.

She spoke it to the all. Here I, she said in her spirit voice.

Now he had to think. For he was surrounded. 

Quick, said she, for you are a foolish child.

He smiled.

Mother he asked for and she did come like a lorry

Here I, he spoke to the boy, for everyone to hear. You can come by my side to the water.

I smiled, for such a frown my father did give to me.

Wait. i am not finished. Is it I thee does wish to meet?

No, not I, for I am a boy, not a one such as he. For my father was a chief and he was not the son of a chief.

When I was twelve, I was asked to go to a Christmas party held by the company my father worked for. I was a bit old for it and straight away I said no. But no didn't go anywhere in our house. 

As I was getting dressed into my party clothes, I had an inner warning. My brother was spoilt and my mother didn't like it. We all knew how to behave. Or we had to learn.

In spirit, I was asked to make sure he didn't ask for anything untoward. Now, I had a thing, it was the one thing I had, that all the family knew not to bother me. That was my play time. 

When I was told I had to go, I wasn't happy. My brother knew because I was quiet.

At the party, I gave him a look. One look. 

My sister was younger than my brother, but she knew my mother's hand. .

The party was dull. Some children were enjoying themselves. Not many.

There was food. But we didn't go to the table. There were drinks. But we didn't ask for permission. There were gifts. But we sat apart.

My father liked a drink. He came over with a pint in his hand, a smile on his lips. He showed us the food, the grotto and he waited. We had our photographs taken with Father Christmas..

We had to sit on his lap. When the photograph was taken I smiled. For I felt laughter. I felt happy. I felt my brightness. My father smiled back.

Communication in spirit was achieved. I knew it was the sun dance inside. I knew it was how I got my smile. How, I got my walk. How i got my talk. 

At night it came. My angel brought it. Rays of yellow, sun like a globe, light like the dance of the sun. 

The walk of the spirit was upon me. A few false starts, a few mishaps and then the word, a wand, a light. That's how it went, the spirit talk within.

When I was at school I took the bus. I felt my mind was going to explode and I had to get off and walk. It wasn't so far and I thought I could make it in time for the bell. 

I was scuffing the leaves that lined the sides of the street. I did it sometimes, when I as troubled. My angel said I could find her there.

Religion was coming in. Sometimes there was a fight between the two. This time it was me that was the problem. I didn't want there to be this fight in my school years and I tried to stall religions hand. 

Religion fought back. They threw me a clanger. My older sisters were going to be a part of a dance group. We knew it long before it came in to being. That's the way it went with spirit. For me and for them too. 

I wasn't going to fit in the group, I knew I was young and it didn't suit. I was ok, but my angel was angry.

Her light was changing. I knew it meant the changes of the ages I was going through. I wasn't the same girl and I was often sad. I wasn't getting on. More demands came from spirit and I couldn't hold it off the same way.  

My religious spirit wasn't the same as the angelic. Sometimes it made me cry. 

I had a guide, but the guide was the word. It didn't understand what the angel made. It didn't try. 

Separation was imminent. Ascension was the cry. And all would fall again.

My angel came to talk. And in her eyes I read. For I tried to tell you your life's course was separating and your dreams would die. 

Change was coming. It was the hurt that would never die. It coloured my world in shades of black and grey. And nothing really coloured it back. 

My sister was younger than my brother, but she knew my mother's hand was sure. Both were difficult, unruly with the light.

We were invited to a workers party and it was to be dull. Some children were enjoying themselves. Not many.

There was food but we didn't go to the table. There were drinks but we didn't ask for permission. There were gifts but we sat apart.

My father liked a drink. He had a pint in hand, a look on his face. He showed us the food, the grotto and smiled. 

We had our photographs taken with Father Christmas.

We had to sit on the lap. When the photograph was taken I felt the laughter of the face, the look familiar, the taste. I was happy. The brightness came back and my father smiled.

Communication in spirit was achieved. I knew it was the sun dance inside. How I learnt to read the face so we could raise the wand inside. 

At night it came. My angel brought it. Rays of yellow, sun like a globe, light like the dance of the sun. 

One day, I was laughing. I did that a lot. So many things seemed to make me laugh.

I didn't care if anyone saw me.

I was happy.

I was often talking to my guide. She was an angel that liked to talk and laugh and be happy.

She told me a story about her little girl, for she was once as I.

She was seven years old and they didn't go to school as young as I.

On her first day, she was embarrassed. Someone said something about her hair. She had blond hair and usually people I knew liked blond hair.

She considered. 

Not in her day.

I was put out. That's not kind.

You see, our nature was kind. That's how we started out. That's how we thought. How we acted and how we played.

She showed me her girl's tears and I cried.

I didn't like it and I was afraid.

My angel was happy. You see, she wanted me to know, she was once like me. And I was once like her.

I didn't think about it again. She let me walk hand in hand with her and that's how we went on together.

When I was a little girl, we had to visit our relatives. It was not liked in the family. On both sides.

I was different. I liked it.

I was the little one of my big cousin.

No one knew. It was our spirit walk.

He didn't have a good reputation. He was tough. He looked, how shall I say, mean.

I didn't mind. That was his look, it wasn't his inner.

My angel said it was ok. And I thought he looked nice.

I liked it that he was strong. I was strong too. That was our spirit walk, you see.

In the family, people avoided him. He was that good.

It made us laugh.

My angel was happy.

When I was a little girl I used to dream. I used to dream big.

One day when I grow up I would be a big star.

Not a blue star, or a green star, or even a yellow star. I would be a pink star.

Pink. That's me.

My angel appeared. She was all aglow.

She liked to appear like that when she wanted to use her wand.

It was quiet. Not a sound was heard anywhere. Then a loud bang.

When you dream and your angel protects you, you always come in, in the end.

I was older than my years. Hard to see, but I was in many ways. Older. Wise. All knowing. Sometimes.

This knowing was like a pest to me. 

I wanted the other. It didn't matter what it was, it was a constant drab awareness that never dulled.

The knowing never helped the drab. The drab never helped the knowing.

Angel often saw me cry. She didn't come there any more. That was my learning. That was my hate. That was my prayer.

It didn't pass the way she said it would. Sometimes it is like that with angel. I wonder if she is right. I wonder if she knows and it makes me sad but I question her more. And I know it hurts and I see the pain and it doesn't help.

One day, it was so cold my fingers were like ice blocks.

Angel was abroad. I used to say things like that and sometimes she smiled.

It was one of those times.

I wanted something from the shops. It was an item of clothing.

I was so pretty a thing.

I was excited.

The noise that came in sent me flying. I called angel but it was too late.

Angel wasn't happy. She went quiet. I didn't know where she went and I could follow her sometimes. And I knew she didn't like it. 

The noise was something I was going to have to learn about.

It wasn't the shops. Angel was stern.

The noise was strong. But we were the strength.

The noise didn't go away.

When I was young, I used to like to run. I ran on these things called the bumps, little mounds of undulating earth that formed a wave for us to jump, stride by stride.

It was fun.

We didn't go al.l the time. Usually in the summer when it was hot.

We picked the berries that grew wild along the hedgerows.

We ate them wild. Raspberries, blackberries. No strawberries. 

We ate well.

For all was free.

The bees was something you had to know about. They were ready to sting.

You could use a dock leaf, but that was not the best.

No one wants to live with the sting.

When one of us got stung, it hurt us all. That's what we had to learn. That's what we had to trust.

Life was good on the bumps. But there were bees

One day, I was walking in the London streets. It was a little after five and not busy. No cars to be seen or bicycles or even pedestrians.

I was deep in thought. A dilemma had propagated my brain and there was no off switch. I shook my head. I breathed in deep and I exhaled. Lightening come to me, thats the way I talked to my Arch Angel Michael. And he would always give something. 

From the corner of my eye, I saw a squirrel running along side me. I played along, for a time, for I was busy. No. The squirrel had the floor. And everything changed. 

That was the first time the natural world gave me their light. I went up deep in my angelic connect and I asked could I speak to the squirrel.

No. 

Why not? 

Silence.

I was a bit put out. And it put me in a flounder. I felt it wanted something of me that I was unable to give. 

Now it was in its flounder.

And I was happy.

I wished very much to speak to it, but I insisted it hear me. These are my spiritual levels and I live within. The higher spirit is not the same as me. It can't think like me. It can't act like me and in a way sometimes it surprises me that it even carries my name. Such is the way that the spirit and I have to protect each other in these days of cold winters and frosty nights.

The squirrel laughed. It stopped. And I stopped. And we looked at one another. It gave me its love and I gave of mine. 

We have been together, this squirrel and I, all our lives long. 

The Earth walk is long. Its shadow is often present. 

We love the Earth that serve the Earth, that love the Earth that serve.

This is the song we hear.

The Earth walk is long. Its shadow bears down at me and the howl is sent through the wind.

For I am the bear. Sitting bear is my name. And no shadow falls here.

When it rained I was often out of sorts. I didn't know what it was. It was just a feeling I got.

I liked the rain. I liked to watch it. I liked to be in it.

Sometimes I felt like I was like the rain. I was always in a pitter patter. Always falling. Always in a kind of a rainbow with it.

When I was a girl of five years old, I had to go to school. It was an old school. My sister was a one for tell lies. She said it was haunted. Ghost, spooks, mystical beings, she said they all hanged out there.

I didn't much like going to school. It was something I was getting used to. 

One day, I wished I had a bicycle. I thought maybe it would be quicker. It bothered me why it took so long to use my feet. In a flash it was there. It startled me, and it paused the street, or so it seemed. It was a pink lady. and she had wings. She had a wave of blond hair and a youthful air.

I thought I had better call the lord, that's what my mother told me to do.

I was about to raise my hand when the lady ushered her hand at me. 

I paused. I thought. What's wrong with the lord? 

I put my step forward and I said lord, ride it high.

She paused. And in the background there was laughing.

I knew she called the Jesus. And I said I am here.

Jesus was solemn. He spoke very gently. He ushered his hand and I took it.

That was the first day that I ever conflicted my angel with the lord Hanuman.

One day I was playing with my dolls. I didn't have any dolls that had both their eyes left in.  You see, my sisters had been with them so long and what with one fall and another, I am sure you can add the dots there.

I didn't mind. Their arms and legs moved and some had buttons where they used to talk. I could imagine what they said and I had hours of fun.

When Christmas came, still there was no doll. No new box to open. No dress to put on.

I cried. 

My angel said: "Do not weep,' child. She sent her blessing and went on.

Sometimes we don't get the gifts others have. Sometimes it hurts. And sometimes it is hard to get over.

I had other things to play with, but they were imaginary things. And they were mine.

Sharing is something we give. It is a gift. It isn't a taken.

My doll came late in life. It came as a child. A boy. It wasn't a girl the spirit child wanted. But it was mine to love.

My dad was a bus conductor. He rode the bus like a brave.

He like it so much it made me smile.

In London the bus conductor were like actors you saw in films. They rode the bus wild.

When I went to London, I liked to see them and some of them, they liked it too.

They were the same as my dad. They wore the hat.  

I never go to ride the bus. We walked.

One day, I was walking. It was a hot day. The sun's rays were softly falling into my rays and it lifted the all.

It wasn't long before I got a knock. The angel said I was older now and there was a king of sign that she was coming.

I had to do a test and I was nervous. It wasn't the pressure the knowledge procured, it was something else. Something inside kind of rattled and I couldn't settle.

The angel was smiling. It was a good day. 

I didn't score high on the test, but it didn't matter, something else happened. I was happy too.